QotD 12/30/09

(discussing the weather for the next few days, planning our New Year's Eve)
Monika: It's going to start snowing in 5 hours and not stop until next year?!?

QotD 12/4/09

At a bar in the middle of the afternoon, drinking, the conversation turns to the concept of being a 'lady'.
Jen: I wear pearls. It doesn't work!

QotD 11/28/09

Chiefs: I remember that tailgate, you did the stupidest thing you've ever done. *turns and points to Taxi* Pissed your pants.
Taxi: *considers* The food was good that day.

QotD 10/14/09

Driving to a USA soccer game, Melissa is wearing a tiara and a feather boa, which keeps shedding.
Melissa: I'm molting.

QotD 10/4/09

Antony (points to Mat's lower leg): You're bleeding!
Mat (looks down): I didn't even realize. I have feminine hygiene issues.

QotD 9/12/09

Paul, drunk and hitting on Elizabeth, is reminded that she is 15 and her father is a lawyer and standing 5 feet away.
Paul (to Elizabeth): I have to be honest... your dad has an awesome mustache.

QotD 9/1/09

Vicky: She's all pouty today.
Mary Ann: I'm in pain! My back hurts!
Vicky: I've got a pain too, and it's worse than yours.
Mary Ann: You can't count a person.

QotD 8/1/09

QotD 8/1/09
At the shore, Antony and I are going out to dinner.
Antony, to Melissa, Aunt Arlene, and Monika: What are you guys doing tonight?
Aunt Arlene, sarcastically: Going to Wawa, big plans!
Monika, excitedly jumps up from her seat: I'll go take a shower!

QotD 7/31/09

QotD 7/31/09
Monika: I saw my reflection in the door and thought it was some woman!
Me: Did you bump into her?
Monika: Yes.
Me: Did you aplogize?
Monika: No. She looked like a b*tch.

QotD 7/30/09

QotD 7/30/09
Screen goes black while we're watching a soccer game, comes back on a few moments later.
Walter (who is black): Black power!

QotD 7/26/09

2 today:

Matt, to Jenn: We need your lawerly opinion. If I burned down Giants Stadium, how much time would I get?
Jay: That would be grand arsonry.

-----
At the USA vs. Mexico game at Giants Stadium in NJ, where there are roughly 79,000 Mexican fans and 1,000 US fans.
Corey: So, is this your first time in Mexico?

QotD 7/16/09

Debating Jewish eating restrictions.
Noah: Pigs aren't clean, they chew on themselves.
GPrime: That's because they know they're delicious.

QotD 7/8/09

My cousins and I were telling jokes while we made dinner.
Courtney: What's the sleepiest thing on a Thanksgiving table?
Steve and I guessed turkey, mashed potatoes, tablecloth, etc.
Me, looking in fridge as I guess: Sweet potatoes?
Steve, thinking I'm offering: No thank you.

QotD 7/7/09

My cousin Amber, 5 years old, showing me a dress: What if I wear this with my new pink skirt?
Me: Well, no, you can't wear a dress with a skirt.
Amber: I can make it work.

QotD 7/5/09

I'm a bit of a crazy driver.
Me, driving fast to keep up with a friend in a Mustang: You have your seatbelt on, right Steve?
Steve: Uh, duh.

QotD 6/29/09

Steven: I like Dora.
Aunt Char: But not Diego.
Steven: No, I hate Diego. He's a poser.

QotD 6/26/09

Woman at the Amtrak station, to her grandson who just ran into a wall: Well that wasn't very smart.

QotD 5/29/09

Me, seeing Dan walk by with a box cutter in his hand, joking: I'm a little worried about you carrying that knife around.
Dan: Me too, I almost stabbed myself in the neck.

QotD 5/24/09

Corey: It's always bad to be Endres, but some days it's worse.

QotD 5/11/09

When I walked into my own house one day after work:
My cousin David: You must be Amanda. We've been expecting you.

QotD 4/15/09

2 today, both from Argentina:

Nate had a cold.  Brent (gesturing to Nate's throat and chest): Nate, how are you feeling?
Nate: Oh, I'm burning it out with Jamison.

-
Greg is holding his cell phone up to the speaker during "your sex is on fire".
Brent: He's probably leaving a message for someone, telling them their sex is on fire.
Corey: I hope it's someone he knows.

QotD 3/28/09

Antony: Mat, you're drunk! You said you weren't going to drink.
Mat: But then I got a Sam Adams from Revolution fans. And then I had to drink some ESC beer to wash it out.
Me: How many did you have?
Mat: Eight.
Me: Eight?!
Mat: But it was in an hour, so it counts as one.

QotD 3/15/09

2 today:

Emily: My mom's like 'break up with him' but I'm like 'who's going to work on my car??'

---

Melissa: You ripped it!
Dad: No! It was like that before I... ripped it.

QotD 2/12/09

2 today:

Paul: Morgan Stanley hired me with a biology degree. I broke the economy in 9 days.

---
Jake: People in New York love to argue
Paul: That's not true

QotD 2/11/09

Paul: I drank one of yours thinking it was one of his... If it makes you feel better, it didn't taste good.

QotD 1/29/09

Talking about Melissa moving to Costa Rica.
Uncle Ron: Doesn't it rain there?
Dad: Yeah, it's called monsoons.